Let's Talk Turkey

We're taking a fresh look at the meat market that produces our big-breasted centrepiece and the plumping that goes on behind the ~~barn~~ factory door.

Plucked to perfection, wrapped up warm in its comforting cling film blanket, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas for most British households without a turkey in the trolley ready for roasting. But where do most turkeys in the UK come from?

Hailing from the Americas, the turkey was introduced to British shores by intrepid explorer, William Strickland. Before this new world discovery the Brits were mainly feasting on geese, peacocks and swans.

The peacock suffered the same fate as Henry VIII's many wives and was soon replaced with his new bird of choice, the turkey. Henry's love for his new-found bird was insatiable and he is rumoured (by highly reliable source, Homer Simpson) to hold the world turkey leg eating record.

Dickens' A Christmas Carol helped to make the turkey our centerpiece of choice. Around 18,000,000 turkeys are killed in the UK each year, 10,000,000 just to feed our festive fantasy of a Cratchit family feast.

90% of these turkeys grow up on intensive factory farms, with the more fortunate 10% making up the growing free range and organic option.

Like most other foodstuffs, the Americans are out eating us on a massive scale, with 300,000,000 turkeys being killed each year – 45,000,000 of which end up on the Thanksgiving table.

The Average Joe factory-farmed turkey in the UK lives a short and miserable existence of between 9 & 24 weeks. Free rangers generally live up to 20 weeks (500 weeks less than their wild cousins who fly free at speeds of up to 55mph and gobble their way up to 10 years old).

When turkeys are around five days old a lot of them head in for a 'trim' which removes a third of their beak and involves a hot blade and no anesthetic. To help you get your head round this, levels have been compared to a human fingertip being sliced clean off with no pain relief. Ouch!

Free-range and organic farmers give their birds some space to flap around in, with 25kg of turkey per square metre. This still isn't a lot considering some birds can grow to the size of a small labrador!

Red Tractor intensive turkey farms squeeze over double the free-range amount in at 51kg of turkey per square metre (this amounts to around two-thirds the size of an opened broadsheet newspaper).

The filthy fact about factory farms is that most of our turkeys will have spent a lifetime hobbling around in their own urine and shit, with flooring only being changed for the next unfortunate guests.

Being so close to their neighbours and sharing one big toilet can make factory turkeys prone to illness. Low doses of antibiotics are fed to these turkeys which can cause wider issues for us humans. Buying organic is one of the best ways to avoid unwittingly dosing yourself with antibiotics over the festive period.

Old school turkeys were mainly covered in black plumage but these feathers could leave stubble like marks, which is the main reason why we prefer white turkeys over their darker cousins. In the words of MJ – it don't matter if they're black or white, they're all the same underneath!

Much like humans, the turkey industry will go to great lengths to create the 'boob job' effect. Selective breeding has given us bigger, fleshier breasts to feast on and turned turkeys into even better moneymakers. These busty birds often struggle to walk and end up with all manner of aches and pains.

Because of their big new breasts and creaky knees male turkeys aren’t exactly in the mood for any love-making (it can be physically impossible for them to mount the female due to their breast size).

This is when the turkey masturbators – or industry milkers as they're also known – move in to get the 'job' done. We seriously doubt this has ever made it to anyone's dream job list!

We've all seen them on the motorways, crammed together awaiting their festive fate at the other end. When the turkeys are greeted at the abattoir they're strung up by their creaky legs and moved through an electric stunning bath where some unlucky customers will dodge the stun and still be wide awake for the chop.

Unfortunately neck cutting doesn't always knock the turkeys out so when it's time to take a dip in the scalding hot tub some birds are still liable to feel the burn. After bath time, turkeys are prepped and preened ready for festive shoppers across the UK.

Our baskets and beliefs are telling farmers, shops, and corporations what we want to eat and how we expect our animals to be treated in the process. If there's one meal and one season that can really send a message to these groups it's the festive feasts we choose to eat with our friends and loved ones.

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